The Sacrifices Made For Love
By: Shadowess

A/N: Greetings, here's another fic that just jumped out of my brain. Enjoy, read and review, as always.
If you would like to be emailed when this fic is updated please email me and let me know (shadowess_studios@hotmail.com)

Warnings: yaoi, mention to rape and stalking, angst Duo...a lil OOC for Heero I guess...

Archive: The He-He Room (http://gwyaoifics.arecool.net)
If you want it, just ask! (shadowess_studios@hotmail.com)

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Chapter 1: Sacrifices
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He's doing it again and he doesn't even notice. Here I am staring at him and he's off staring at _him._ It made my blood boil. I was jealous, but also mad, but mostly I was afraid. I was afraid to loose him. You have no idea what I would do for him. I wasn't sure what I was capable of until he stepped into my life. When he came along my life didn't seem as worthless. But look at me I'm doing off tangent again. I tend to do that a lot around him. He means the world to me. He is my world. But then here he is staring off at _him_ with a sort of longing on his face. It sent a spear of terror threw my heart. I don't know what I would do without him.
"Maxwell?"
There's just something about him that makes life worth living. No I'm not a pig, sex isn't the only thing, though it's not bad, well actually it wasn't bad when we still did it. Oops another tangent.
"Maxwell?"
I love the way his hair falls, like it doesn't have any care in the world. Not to mention those piercing blue eyes, I could drown in them. They always have this hardness to them, but when the two of us are alone they soften, just for me.
"Maxwell?!"
Just for me. *sigh* Yeah I don't know when I fell in love with him. I think I loved him before we met. Yeah and what a meeting it was. I shot him! Bang just like that. Trying to stop him from killing that girl. Oi don't even get me started on _her._

OW! That hurt. I turned to look at who just punched me in the arm. My eyes lock with onyx and I clench my teeth.
"What the hell do you want Wufei?" I snapped out a little to venomously then I wanted. Wufei looked a little taken aback. I grin inside. Good. Shows him for underestimating the God of Death.
"I called you 3 times Maxwell, why didn't you reply?" I shrugged my shoulders and stood up from my chair.
"Maybe I didn't care to speak with you." I spat, then turned and stormed out of the room. Wufei stood there looking stunned. Yay! Score one for Duo! I caught Wufei look at Heero, and Heero nodded. Oh that made my blood boil even more. Now the two of them can communicate without words. I continued my way back to mine and Heero's room and promptly slammed the door. I don't care if it seemed out of character for me. I was in a bad mood and I wanted someone to notice.

"Duo? Can I come in?" Heero's cold voice followed after he knocked. I don't know why he bothered to knock, I mean it's his room too.
"Yeah come on in Heero." I muttered. Great I was sort of hopping Quatre would be the one who would come and talk with me. I guess poor lil Kat is still doing a double-take at my behavior.
Heero stepped into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. Heero approached the bed and sat down next to me.
"Duo is something wrong?" I snorted. Wow looks like my lil hissy fit pulled a reaction from Heero.
"What do you think?" Heero seemed a little shunned.
"Did I do something wrong?" He asked quietly. Oh poor Heero, he's still new to love.
"Yes, no, oh hell I dunno." I flopped down on my bed and covered my face with my hands. I sat there thinking for a moment when I felt hands on my chest starting to unbutton my shirt. I jerked up and pushed away from Heero.
"Wh-what do you think you were doing?" I asked clutching at my shirt. Heero looked confused.
"I was trying to take off your shirt. I was trying to make things better." I groaned inwardly. Trust Heero not to understand.
"Heero you know I'm not ready for that sort of stuff yet." Heero tried to move closer but I scooted back.
"Duo you have to let it go. It happened almost a year ago. He won't hurt you again." I closed my eyes and shivered.
"Heero that isn't something you just 'get over.'" Heero slowly took my hand.
"Duo I know how you feel." I shook off his hand,
"No Heero you don't know how it feels." Heero sighed.
"Duo you need to talk about what happened to you." I froze. He wanted me to tell him about my live nightmare. The chapter of my life that I would give anything to have erased. "Duo we only have speculation on what actually happened. You need to talk to someone about what really happened." I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I was terrified. "Duo you know you can trust me. I love you." I looked up at Heero and saw the sincerity there.
"I love you too Heero. It's just, it's just hard for me to talk about it. I don't want to have to relive it."
"Duo you'll never get over it if you keep it bottled up." I sighed, I knew he was right. Still I was horrified.
"Alright, I don't want to go into too much detail." Heero nodded for me to continue.
"Well it started a couple months after the war. We were together, and I was really happy. My job at the scrap yard was going good. I guess one of the guys there started to develop a thing for me. He kept asking me out on dates and giving me presents and such, even after I told him I was with you. Things started to get out of hand and he started to stalk me. But I guess you know that already. You were there with me when I got the letters and pictures and all that." Heero nodded and took my hand, for moral support I guess.
"But being an ex-Gundam pilot I guess I was too confident that I could handle anything. I was wrong on that. I guess he rigged my motorbike and I crashed. He took me to his house and kept me there." I looked up and caught Heero's eyes.
"He kept me in chains, restrained to the bed. He kept telling me that I loved him, and he loved me and we would be together forever. I kept denying him. Heero I loved you and only you." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
"He started to get violent. He'd hit me and stuff. Then he started to m-mark me. He pierced my nipples and other things. He started to use a knife on me. Only shallow cuts cuz he didn't want to leave any scars. He left one scar though." I slowly unbuttoned my shirt. I removed the bandage that I know keep permanently over the scar even if it has healed. On my chest, over my sternum he craved his name. 'Jay' I heard Heero's sharp intake of breath.
"After he scared me and marked me as his. He started to- he- he raped me. He would be careful not to rip anything. He didn't want to hurt me, I guess. He came in after work almost everyday and did that to me. I'm so sorry Heero." I don't remember when I started to cry, but the salty tears were tracing their way down my face. Heero wiped them away with his thumb and hugged me. I felt safe in his arms.
"Duo it's not your fault. But don't worry, he's in jail now and he's not coming out anytime soon. He can't hurt you anymore." I sniffed and hiccuped a couple more times.
"I know Heero, I just need more time. I'm sorry I can't be the boyfriend you want." Heero took a hold of my chin and lifted my head to meet his eye to eye.
"Duo don't say that, I love you no matter what. Sex isn't the only thing to this relationship." I nodded, I knew it wasn't. But I also knew Heero was a guy and I knew that guys got urges. Well I haven't, but I'm a little screwed up. I saw the way Heero was looking at Wufei. I sighed.
"Duo?"
"Hmm?"
"What's wrong?" I waved a hand of dismissal to Heero.
"Don't worry about it Heero. I'll be ok, I just have to work out a few things."
"Alright. Are you coming out for dinner?" I nodded. Hey sad as I was I was never one to miss a meal. Heero smiled at me, I love his smile. I treasure them, even if the war was over around 2 years ago, Heero still hadn't lightened up, well he did around me and it made me feel special. Ain't I sad, hush, if you saw his smile you would understand. Heero left the room. I sighed. I was terrified that Heero was going to leave me for Wufei. As much as Heero claimed that sex wasn't important, it was part of a relationship. I went to the washroom and washed my face. I didn't want Wufei to give me his look. He thought I was weak. He thought that way all through the war, and afterwards as well. When my stalker captured me, I guess he thought I wasn't worth the skin I am printed on. For a short while I almost wanted Wufei to be captured and treated the way I was. But I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even Wufei. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Wufei. Not him as a person, just him as a potential threat to my relationship with Heero. As I sat at the dinner table I mumbled a quiet apology to Wufei about snapping at him earlier. He was shocked. Hey I was too. I looked up at Heero and he smiled at me.

As the meal progressed I looked at Wufei and sort of studied him. He was attractive, I could understand why Heero would want him sexually. Not that I really wanted him that way. But then I didn't want anyone that way. Poor Duo. Then I looked at Heero and noticed he was watching Wufei again. I snapped my head to look at Wufei and I as stunned to see he was looking at Heero. They both had this look on their faces. It's the sort of look you can't really explain. Actually you could, it was the same way I looked at Heero. It was love. They were in love. My world crashed down on me. I looked down at my dinner and suddenly felt sick. I looked up at Wufei and saw that he was now looking at me. And he had that look on his face. I almost fell over in my chair. Why was Wufei looking at me like that? I stood up and excused myself from the table, actually I said that I felt like a was going to hurl. I made my apologies to Chief Quatre assuring him that it wasn't feeling well and it wasn't his food. I rushed to the washroom and lost my dinner and the rest of the contents of my stomach. While making friends with the porcelain. Ah my old friend, that brings back memories, man did I need a drink.
Why did I throw up? Simple. I was going to make a sacrifice for love. And it made me sick.

tbc
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A/N: well there ya go. this fic is going to be my outlet of some issues i'm dealing with in my life, so expect chapters often...guess when i wrote this? ha at 1am in the morning it's now 2:30am and i need to get to bed...please review, I need them...(does that sound desperate?)


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