Rating: R, Lime-ish
Warnings: DEPRESSING SITUATIONS AHEAD. If you don't like that, please DO NOT leave me feedback saying I never should have written this. Doing so is in no way constructive criticism to me. If you hate it, please tell me WHY you hated it and please back that reason up. I will not flame you under any circumstances (it's just rude), I just want to know what people think could be improved. One-liner positive feedback makes me feel good, but please tell me what you liked about the fic too so I can work with it more! ^_^
Other Warnings: YAOI (aka male/male relationships. Don't like it? You don't have to read it. Sayonara to you *points towards the door*). Some strong language present as well (not excessive though, IMO).
Category: Yaoi, songfic (to "3 Libras" by A Perfect Circle)
Pairings: 2x1
//song lyrics//
Eyes of a Fallen Angel
by Jo-san
http://come.to/jo-san
Sunlight forced its way in through the window into Duo's sleep-hazed eyes. He slowly blinked them open, violet eyes meeting the dawn. A low half growl, half grown emitted from his throat as he stretched his arms out above his head, rolling away from the window's direction, tugging the thin, white sheets with him.
His hands, for all their reaching, however, only met with an empty space next to him. He lay on his side, facing the place next to him, covers thrown back and pillow still dented in from where his lover had once slept. Duo reached out, running the palm of his hand over the still warm covers that carried the smell of sex. He took in a deep breath, savoring the remnants of what they had shared, and sighed.
//threw you the obvious//
//and you flew with it on your back//
//a name in your recollection//
//down among a million same//
They had an arrangement. Pilots like them didn't have comfort of anything permanent. There was no guarantee that either of them would be alive by the day's end, let alone together. The sex was good, they both needed and wanted it. But still each and every time he woke up like this, alone, he couldn't help but feel a loss. He wondered each time if it would be their last and he wondered each time if it would ever be anything more than a quick fuck between missions. He closed his eyes again, breathing slowly as the last of that warmth cooled away beneath his fingertips, wishing that HE was the one here beneath his fingers now.
Duo's eyes opened once more and he forced foolish dreams out of his head, sitting up and swinging his legs over to sit on the edge of the bed facing the window. The sunlight warmed his naked body a moment before he stood up to retrieve his clothing from the floor nearby, haphazardly throwing some of it on.
He thought he heard the shower running and passed by the bathroom as he buttoned his shirt up, glancing inside the half-opened door. He could see the water cascade down over Heero's body through the rippled glass that stood in for a shower curtain. Heero's eyes were closed as he leaned his face under the shower head, the water slicking back his normally chaotic mess of dark hair. It was making Duo hard again.
//difficult not to feel a little bit//
//disappointed and passed over//
//when i've looked right//
//through to see you naked but oblivious//
He was suddenly aware of Heero's eyes now open and staring on him. They were emotionless, but they felt accusing.
"Ohayo," the Japanese pilot spoke in his usual, noncommittal monotone.
No kind word. No affectionate smile. Not even his name.
"Ohayo," Duo replied solemnly, averting his eyes before stepping away from the bathroom door.
The way Heero treated him outside of the bedroom never gave the slightest suggestion of what they had shared so many times inside.
//and you don't see me//
He made his way into the tiny kitchen, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a carton of milk to pour himself a glass. He sat down at the table, turning the drink slowly in his hands, staring down into its cloudy whiteness. He hadn't intended things to turn into what they had.
The first time, he was the one to make the move. He had kissed Heero, and certainly not in a friendly kind of way. Strangely Heero had not pushed him away, instead he had responded to that kiss. One thing had lead to another, and when all was said and done, Heero had asked why.
At the time, he didn't really know why himself. Maybe he had been thinking with his dick, or maybe it was because he was in love. Sex was one thing though. Love was quite another. And Duo could not have brought himself to say that he loved Heero, for fear of losing this as quickly as he had gained it.
That had changed though. Now Duo wanted to say what he once was incapable of. Now that he knew it was deeper than the sex. He'd realized it when he lost himself in his lover's cobalt blue eyes, running his own callused hand softly along his face. He knew when he wondered what was behind those eternally cold blue eyes. He wanted to know who Heero Yuy was underneath his Perfect Soldier mask. He wanted to know why Heero had fallen into the emotionless shell before him now.
//but i threw you the obvious//
//just to see if there's more behind//
//eyes of a fallen angel//
//eyes of a tragedy//
Maybe he was expecting too much. Maybe there was nothing left behind those eyes. Maybe he'd lost something a long time ago that he could no longer attain. Wounded beyond recovery by something impossible to grasp. But no, he could not believe that anyone could be so lost as that, and Duo knew there was more behind those cold blue pools of reflection. He'd caught brief glimpses of it between tender kisses and warm embraces.
//here i am expecting just a little bit//
//too much from the wounded//
//but i see through it all and see through//
//and see you//
Duo raised his glass to his lips and drank, setting it back down on the table just as Heero walked in, pulling his shirt on over his head, hair still damp from the shower. He grabbed the refrigerator door, opening it and leaning down slightly to peer inside. A hand suddenly wrapped itself over his.
Cold, cobalt blue eyes looked up to meet violet. Duo's eyes carried a sense of urgency. His lips parted slightly, ready to speak something that seemed of the greatest importance... but no sound came out.
//cause i threw you the obvious//
//to see what occurs behind//
//the eyes of a fallen angel//
//the eyes of a tragedy//
"What is it?" Heero demanded, impatient.
Duo's mouth slowly shut, his eyes refocusing, bringing him back from whatever realm his mind had been momentarily lost in.
"Nothing," he muttered, leaving the room.
//oh well//
//apparently nothing at all//
//you don't see me//
//you don't see me at all//
owari
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Jo-san, jothomsen@iname.com