Disclaimer: Hey, I don’t own it and don’t want to. I just want to revel in it.
Rating: R
Warnings: It’s short, angsty, and depressing. (Like me! heh)
Other Warnings: YAOI! Yay ^_^
Category: Yaoi, POV, songficlet (inspired by "Orestes" by A Perfect Circle)
Pairings: 1x2x1
Eyes of a Fallen Angel: Part Two
by Jo-san
http://come.to/jo-san
How do you tell someone you love them? Where do you even fucking start?
It’s nighttime, dark, but I can still see your face in the moonlight, making everything in the room shades of pale blue. You sleep so peacefully, like the dead. I reach out and touch your face gently, almost reassure myself you’re still alive, and this is not a dream. That this is real. Your cheek is warm to the touch and I let out a quiet sigh of contentment.
I’m content. I’m happy here. Happy to be wherever you are. So why can’t I say as much? Why can’t I show you that? What we have now is false. The sex we’ve had has never expressed my love for you. Even our kisses are empty. An arrangement I have no doubt you thought would appeal to me, one without feeling, without emotion...
Will I be there for you when you’re weak? At your lowest? Angry? Will you be there for me? Will we be there for each other when one of us tries to push the other away...
That’s what will happen, you know. I can feel myself pushing you away, slowly, through every word I say. So I don’t say anything. But that drives you away too. Is this inevitable? Does it have to be this way?
I don’t know. I don’t know how to deal with these things. No one has ever told me. This was never part of my training, never necessary for any mission objective. I feel inadequate, not worthy of you...
You have it all figured out. If you were in my place we wouldn’t be having this problem.
Perfect. That’s what they say I am, but only on the battlefield. Here, I’m helpless, completely.
You’re everything that I’m not. Is that why I want you? Is that the only reason I want you?
I’m so lost in all of this. I can’t decipher my own feelings, it frustrates me so much. They roll into me like huge waves, disorienting and drowning me, one at a time.
I need to learn how to swim... could you teach me, I wonder... could you?...
I slide my arms around you, pulling your warmth close to me. You smile softly in your sleep, nestling in closer to me.
I open my mouth to speak, but I hesitate before any sound comes. The words are hard for me, even though you can’t hear them.
"I love you," I finally whisper. But you can’t hear me at all...
Where do we go from here? Will everything change? Will everything stay the same?
I don’t know. I still don’t know... please, tell me...