The Itsy Bitsy Spider
Krissy Celeste
1x5 Angst, a Valentine fic for the broken hearted. Comes from working in the nursery for way too @&%# long!
Misuse of Nursery Rhymes! The stuff outside FLASHBACK that are words Wufei remembered.
“The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” It was after the wars and Chang Wufei had taken refuge in a tiny Chinese village, teaching little children their A, B, C’s. It was long ago that he had once been the proud Chinese warrior, now he was a gentle school teacher. He was now a different person leaving everything that reminded him of the war to burn in a pile in his back yard, becoming born again, so why is it he felt dead?
Wufei had let his hair grow out, not even caring to put it in its normal ponytail; it fell loosely around is shoulders, coming up to his thin waist, he was always the drool magnet of the High-school next door; attracting the young girls that always seemed to follow him home, gushing over him and finding out all sorts of things about him, not like they were true or anything, gossiping about his age and who he would go out with. If it he hadn’t been ::cough:: changed he would have exploded and kicked them all away from him.
“Went up the water spout.” He moved his fingers in that cute little dance, twelve little children sitting around him clumsily following suit, giggling happily at their little mistakes.
How many times had he sung this song? How many times had he thought it to the little kids? How many times had he clapped his hands smiling and laughing falsely as they did it right and showed off their new-found knowledge in front of him. How many times had he felt like that little spider, rain always bringing him down, pulling him down from whatever height he had achieved, breaking him. Well, not necessarily rain… more like Heero Yuy. The past… his past, creeping up on him ever so often. Reminding him of who he is… and what he is… a spider. A little spider that kept falling down the same road he tries so hard to get up to. A slutty little spider that doesn’t deserve the life he has… well… not like he had one anyway.
~@FLASHBACK@~
Wufei watched in the darkness as Duo flung himself at Heero, holding the stoic boy in a tight embrace. Wufei felt his heart break as he wished that it was him that held just a little bit of Heero’s love. Wufei looked away in silent agony. He had seen Duo with another man once before, he hadn’t told Heero, afraid of his reaction, afraid that Heero would hate him.
But… maybe… that would not be the case…
Wufei had seen the sad looks Heero had been shooting Duo… maybe… Heero had known.
Tonight. Tonight Wufei will tell Heero.
~@END@~
“Down came the rain,”
The rain did come down that night.
~@FLASHBACK@~
Wufei cornered Heero inside the hanger.
“Heero?” He asked. Wufei said this in a cold voice. Trying to be like his normal self on the outside but on the inside his was trembling and quaking.
“What is it Chang?” Heero had not noticed that it was the first time that Wufei had called him “Heero”. Heero’s cold monotone chilling him to the bone. He swallowed and told Heero of what he had seen those few nights ago. Heero listened with large outraged eyes. Wufei looked down the whole time; it was not in his nature to what you call “squeal” and doing that to the man he loved hurt even more.
“How dare you!?” Wufei suddenly found himself body-slammed to the near wall. “How dare you say things about DUO?”
THUD! Heero threw Wufei against the wall again; the black-eyed bishonen’s bouncing painfully against the wall. Stars exploded in his vision.
“Heero…” He said in a hurt voice. Pain echoing in his elegant tenor. I have lost you and I haven’t even… told you I love you yet…
“You asshole! You stupid little shit! You’re just jealous.” Each sentence punctuated by a shake. Wufei didn’t even cry out. He deserved it. He was jealous, he was stupid… he didn’t deserve to even appear in front of Heero. Wufei stared at him, eyes reflecting Heero’s face as he hit Wufei over and over again. And Heero saw it. His face, that outraged look in his eyes, all of it in Wufei’s eyes, tears welling up in them. Heero hit his face, and Wufei was forced to look away.
“You’re a fucking little slut! You’re weak! WEAK!” Insults and blows hit Wufei, yells and shouts penetrating his soul. Am I going to die tonight? ”You’re nothing! NOTHING! You little SLUT!” “You’re ugly! You little shit! How dare you say that about DUO!
* * *
Wufei came down the stairs to breakfast the next day, skin flawless and smooth. Heero took a double-take when he saw the sad looking Chinese pilot.
What happened to his bruises? Heero felt a sting of pain as he remembered the look his face as he saw himself reflected in Wufei’s eyes. How can ones eyes reflect so much… so purely.
* * *
“Wufei?” Said bishy jumped a foot in the air and turned around clutching his chest. He gasped as he saw who it was. Wufei took a step backward.
“Wha…what is it… Yu…Yuy?” Guilt pierced his heart as Wufei looked at him with those eyes.
“What happened to the marks?” Wufei bit his lip.
“I covered the ones on my face with make up.” He looked down then in shame. “My father used to beat me too. If… if you want… I… I can remove the make-up, my… my father used to like seeing me… broken.” Heero’s eyes bulged.
“Iie. No… no Wufei…” Wufei nodded, with that he left and never came back.
~@END@~
“And washed the spider out.” Heero didn’t know how much he had hurt then and he cried for days on end. He vaguely remembered Sally [1] being there, telling him to cry it all out, even though she didn’t know what he was crying about. They stayed in that one safe house for as long as Wufei was in depression. Of course, no one needed to know about that.
“Up came the sun and…”
~@FLASHBACK@~
Wufei walked down a cold dark street, wet cement reflecting the lights from the many neon signs from the various sex establishments that lined the streets. Wufei was under-cover as a prostitute. Under normal circumstances he would have whined about it, but right now, he was dead, he wouldn’t care… why should he care, no one else does.
Duo was first chosen for this, but Heero cared enough to hack into mission files to put Wufei in instead. Wufei said nothing and went under the “make-over” without a word. No one even asked him what was wrong, not like they would care enough to stop laughing at him.
It had been his third night at it. He had bedded more men than he had ever wanted too. His virginity stolen by some un-named face that smelled of cheep cologne and money. No one cared about that too. He just carried on, performing the mission flawlessly. Each moment killing him slowly, as more and more customers came to admire his feminine beauty. And each time he had been taken by a different “customer” he would imagine that it was Heero he was chalking up his skills on. Not that it was pleasurable of course; Wufei cringed at the memory of being torn apart at the seams as one impossibly large member of society entered him roughly. Probably wishing to make him cry out in pain, he got none of that of course, Wufei kept his silence and took it all in like a warrior… or maybe a slut.
~@END@~
“…dried up all the rain, so the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again…” Wufei smiled down at the children by his feet. “That’s good! You all did a great job of singing! Now, who wants story TIME!” The sky was filled with tiny little hands waving and high childish voices screaming “ME!!! ME!!!” Wufei laughed a fake laugh, a laugh he was getting used too.
“Which story should I read to you?”
“Mulan!”
“Jack and the Beanstalk!”
“Nora and the Sun!”
“Miss Spider!” Wufei smiled.
“Alright, let’s read Miss Spider.”
* * *
Coming home that night he felt wearier than ever before. He was weak he knew it… very weak… Heero knew it too. Wufei tightly closed his eyes as he thought that thought. Heero’s ghost still followed him to this very day… sneaking up on him when he thought about how horrible his life is, and how much how much he had lost. He no longer had the war to pour all his energy into; he no longer had missions and life and death situations to keep him going. All he had now was… nothing. Nothing at all! And as usual he had been dreading coming home to that dark cold cell that was his apartment building.
Wufei turned the key, barely opening the door when he found that something was wrong. Someone was in the house. Wufei tensed and coiled his muscles. Awaiting a full-blown attack, he turned on the light switch and ….
“Heero?” He thought he had been seeing things, what was Heero Yuy doing in his home? Wufei bit his lips and walked toward the offending trespasser. “What are you doing, here?” Fear engulfed him, memories of being slammed against a cement wall surfacing above his psyche. It all must have shown in his eyes because Heero shifted. Wufei took in a deep breath and backed up against the now closed door.
“I… I just came… I just came to… see how you are?” Wufei looked down. Not believing what he just said.
“You… you broke up with Duo didn’t you?” He said in a quiet voice.
“You’re ugly! You little shit! How dare you say that about DUO! You horrible little SLUT!” Wufei shuddered unconsciously.
“Wufei? What’s wrong?” Wufei shook his head. He looked up and said nothing. Wufei breathed in deeply again. He was… afraid. Afraid of his weakness. So very afraid.
“I… I’m guessing you want to stay here because Duo kicked you out?” those words were almost a whisper… so very quiet it was almost like Heero didn’t hear, but he did. Heero nodded.
“Why… why did you come to me?” Whispered Wufei, it hurt him so much to see Heero again, right after all he had been through and his unrequited love. All those hurtful nights…
~@FLASHBACK@~
He sat in the bathtub razor in hand, running the little blade up and down his arms, an un-natural calm falling over him as his life force ebbed out of him.
“I’m so dirty…” He murmured in Chinese, voice quacking and shaking as sobs escaped his body. “I don’t deserve to live. I’m weak. Gods… Meiran… I’m so weak! I’m a slut… everything I touch gets soiled. Heero is soiled. I… I defiled him with my weakness. He… he beat me… because I am weak, just like my father did. I was so weak… I, I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve to live.” The whispers in Chinese ran over and over again in his head and bathroom air like a holy man’s mantra. Cursing and blessing at the same time, each un-happy circle of thoughts leading to a slice upon his arms.
Tears ran down his face, challenging the flow of blood with its quickness of fall, to hurt. Tears of shame, of how foolish he had been to assume that anyone as strong and as capable like Heero would ever look to him in the ways he had once imagined. Foolishly believing in those shallow fairytales he read in Quatre’s library. Foolishly believing that someone would ever look at such a lowly “object” such as himself. Foolishly believing that he could someday be that “Frog Prince” who gets saved by a maiden’s (or, well, lord) kiss. How stupid had he really been to wake up on day, determined to have his dreams shot down because he cared too much for some un-caring bastard. How weak had he been to let himself become a whore to everyone he met on the street just because his love’s love was too fucking precious to be tarnished in such a way. Well you know WHAT! You’re precious little angel has been whoring himself too! Whoop-dee-fucking-doo-da!
“WUFEI! No!” A female voice said… who was that… so sleepy… the world darkened upon him and a heavy blanket of silence and warmth crept over his body.
“He...Heero.” Those were to be his last words. Funnily ironic. How one person can affect you so much emotionally is the one person that hated you the most… “Good bye.”
~@END@~
Seeing that, of course, he was still here to cower underneath Heero Yuy’s glare, that suicide attempt had gone unsuccessful. The female voice turning out to be Sally’s bringing him out of his near-end. Damn.
“You came here, why?” He said again, this time louder. “I don’ see why there would be any reason for you’re unexpected visit. I seem to recall a time when you would. Quote unquote, ‘Never come near a dirty little slut’ like me.” Those words were harsh, born out of the pure agony of having to survive two years of not being with the one he loved. Instead of being “loved” back he was shunned away into the dark shadows that was, and still is, Heero Yuy’s hate. A small smile pulled at his lips, the kind of smile you would see on one that wanted to die a painful suicide.
Heero’s eyes widened at the change in Wufei, he had gotten more and more forlorn, more and more vengeful, and it looked like it was himself he wished to settle his “justice” upon. What had he done to the beautiful Chinese? Had the boy actually believed in the words that sprang from his mouth, born of rage and denial; a denial he has now, finally, overcome. His “love” for Duo… it really wasn’t to be, he had wished to make amends with the ex-pilot of the Shenlong, only to find a badly broken person he had once identified invincible.
Will he be able to accept this apology?
~@owari@~