Title: Tainted Conviction – Part Five

Author: Sita Seraph

Genre: Angst, Religious relatings

Pairing: 1x2 eventually.

Rated: R

Warning: Gruesome treatment, stigmata, sixth sense, and a whole lot of shit.

 

Note: I thought this was a very freaky chapter…I hope I brought the suspense and nerve threatening wracking tension into the story.

 

 

 

To say he had entered a dreamless state would make him a liar.  For everywhere he turned were hopeless, dark memories.  Things that bloomed from the war, things that he had mashed down with a steel hammer.  He had forgotten those things for a very good reason; so, he guessed, it was only appropriate to haunt him in his only time of rest.  It was such a bitter and cruel thing to do; something only God would remind him of.

Duo watched with unclouded eyes, his hand clenching his gun at his side.  The medal was so hard, so cold.  Duo tightened his hold on the gun, fist clenching it so tight that his hand began to quiver.  He wasn’t afraid now.  He wasn’t worried.  He couldn’t even bring himself to hate what he was doing.  He couldn’t summon up anger, pity, and woe.

There was nothing.  A blank settling over his stomach, the sense of mass murder and not feeling the least sorrowful for the crime committed.  Duo wasn’t sorry.  He wasn’t anything.  He was just a soldier among the thousands, doing his job, and killing whoever stood in his way.  He had no conscience he was just a weapon.  Someone would tap him on the shoulder and Duo would push the safety lock off, and the toy weapon would fire his gun.  Cruel and heartless way to look at it, but then again, war was heartless and a bitch in the beginning.

Duo slowly raised his gun again and took careful aim at his target.  The boy quivered in terror, wide brown and innocent eyes bearing up at him for pity, for mercy.  Looking for the humanity each man had.  But Duo had none.  Remember?  He was just a toy soldier.

Duo pulled the trigger without batting an eye and the 8-year-old boy fell soundly to the ground, the gunfire still echoing in the dead air.  Death moved on, eyes forward and didn’t even glance at the quickly forming pool spreading across the dirty ground.  His gun rang off two more times in the dead night, finishing off the boy’s parents with efficiency.  And as he left the quiet home, he again felt that empty, blank feeling.  He had killed in cold blood…and felt nothing for it. 

Besides…they were just nameless casualties.

 

*****

 

Duo sat up, still in his dream state, the blanket sliding down his chest and stomach to curl up in his lap.  His eyes opened with a gasp, the dream releasing him from its strangle hold.  Free at last, Duo panted into the night air, his body wet with sweat.  The dream burned in his mind, the images scarring his eyes and he shivered violently.  Knots twisted in his stomach and for a moment, he thought he was going to throw up.  But with that thought and the mental image, Duo forced away the nausea.  He didn’t want to go through that hell again.

Slowly, the ex-Shinigami pilot brought his knees up to his elbows and held his head in a low defeat.  His breath trembled, from unknown tears, cold, and guilt.  He had a dream that was not his own.  He had dreamt of a crime he had not committed.  And yet the cold medal in his hands was deadly real.  The empty hole in his stomach was like the pains on his wrists.  And the cry of the gun still rang in his ears.

Hesitantly, Duo raised his head, body shivering in the cold air of his room.  His hair was free from his braid, tumbling down his back in a rain of freedom and curls.  Around his wrists he took notice of the white bandages that was soaking with blood.  Nausea swept over him but Duo swallowed it down, staring at the red ball against the white.  The air swept by him, the hand of winter touching his bare skin, and the Preventor shivered again.

It was so cold, Duo couldn’t stand it.  It was amazing that not only he had slept through this god-forsaken air; but that he couldn’t see his breath each time he exhaled.  With the thought of a warm shower barging in his mind, Duo kicked off the sheets and pattered across the floor.  He held his wrists up, afraid that maybe his blood might drip free from the bandage.  He crept to his door, opening it with his toes and peered out into the hall.  Satisfied that no one had woken from his bad dreams, Duo crossed the fluffy carpet in the hallway and made his way to the bathroom.  One elbow hitting the door open and the other clicking on the light, Duo stopped in the doorway to look around at the small bathroom.  It was spotless and clean again, the trace of previous events erased.  But the air of blood was still thick in the room, the atmosphere filled with a sickness.  Duo shivered again, almost taking a step away from the haunting white bathroom.

Oh, no you don’t, Duo scolded himself.  He was afraid of a freaking bathroom!  How pathetic was that?  Determined to prove this pit in his stomach was not fear, Duo stepped into the bathroom and went to the sink.  The air was still chilly even in the room and the thought of warm, cascading water over him made Duo shiver yet again.

Duo unraveled his bandages quickly, humming a soft tune to keep his mind off other non-important things, such as this morning, and revealed his wrist to the light.

Duo gave a dry heave at the ugly, gruesome sight.  A red hole broke though his entire wrist, as if a stake had been driven through.  It was large, so large that Duo could peer inside and seen his fractured bone and the red, pulsing sick inside of meat…

Again, Duo gagged and drew his gaze away.  He was going to puke, he was going to throw up, and he was going to die.  Yuck.  Quickly, Duo wrapped his wrists back up with new bandages, eager to cover up the hideous sight from view before he coughed up his Cheerio’s.  When the sight was gone, Duo leaned heavily on the tiled counter and tried to get his heart and breath back to normal.  His stomach was doing nice little flip-flops and Trowa leap, twirl, and land jumps.  The urge to throw up was right in his throat, the bitter taste already in his throat, but he refused.  He wouldn’t gag.

Duo gagged.

He would not heave.

Duo gave a dry heave, head lowering to throw up.

And he would not throw up.

Duo opened his mouth wide and up went his Cheerio’s.

 

*****

 

After exhausting himself with throwing up all his worth, Duo had crawled into the shower.  He felt ten times better with an empty stomach and now all he wanted was to rid the chill that kept wracking his body.  Stripped to the bare, Duo turned on the shower and sighed thankfully as it beated down on him instantly.  Warm, luscious water.  God, it felt like heaven…Duo closed his eyes, a tiny smile on his lips.

Bastard.  Whore.  How dare you fucking do this to me?

Duo’s eyes snapped open, breath caught in his throat.  He quickly looked around, violet eyes wide.  But he was alone behind the closed door, steam filling up the small room.  He must have been tired, his mind was beginning to play tricks on him. 

The water still wasn’t hot enough.  Duo turned the knob a little bit more and hotter water beat down at him.  The white mist thickened in the room.  The slam of the water against the tiles rang in Duo’s head, the thick mist calming his muscles with the water.  Duo closed his eyes again, relaxed and happy to be under the waterfall.

Did you know how much I fucking hate you all?  I hated you and your rules!

Something began to twist is Duo’s gut.  Desperately, Duo turned the knob more, trying to block out the voices that was screaming in his head.  The water seemed to rain with more anger, turning his skin red upon impact.  The fog in the room was so thick; every breath was getting harder to take.

And still, Duo wanted it hotter.

Well, this is how I say FUCK YOU!  I wanted to fucking kill you so bad that I would fanaticize about it!  Now its come and I can’t wait to get you out of my fucking, goddamn life.

Stop, stop, stop! Duo screamed, breath coming in sharp, short gasps.  He turned the knob all the way to its max.  The water burned, burned, burned!  It scolded, it hurt so badly!  And yet Duo couldn’t get the craving out of his head to make it hotter, to make it hurt more.  Duo felt the need to shrivel up and hide from the water but his body wouldn’t allow it.  He stood before bracing against the acid shower, skin burning away.  It hurt and yet it felt so fucking good!

And then he felt the eyes.

Eyes snapping open from their sated state, Duo’s head whipped towards the closed doorway, the steam so thick making it unbelievably hard to see.  But through it all, he saw.

The door was no longer closed.

Inside its frame stood a very tall, beautiful girl.  Her hair was soaking wet, curls of black trailing over her white gown and dripping to the ground.  Her skin was cherry red, burnt, peeling away.  Disgusting.  Her breath came in short; hallow gasps, as if unable to breathe correctly. And those furious, black eyes were blank with rage.  A hollow feeling Duo felt in his dreams.  No regret or pain. 

The girl slowly raised her hand, the gun shaking in her grip as she held it so tight, her fingers almost white instead of the scolding red that marked her skin.  She cocked the gun.

Duo’s eyes widened.

She took careful aim.

I don’t want to die, he thought.

And the trigger was pulled.

BAM!